Chonk became too heavy for Earth.
Space Chonk
Scientists tried to weigh him. The scale gave up and so did gravity.
Observed Behavior
Researchers attempted measurement; the scale failed. Attempts to relocate Chonk nudged the planet instead. NASA now lists him as a celestial body in low‑Earth orbit. He didn’t launch, Earth shifted to follow him.
- Passive Gravity
Loose hardware quietly settles into his wake.
- Planetary Effect
Minor adjustments to tides and furniture are expected.
- Docking Policy
Approach slowly; front paw clearance requested for snacks.
Space ChonkCalm during approach
Orbital Record
The first report arrived after several satellites altered course with no operational cause. Observers concluded he’s gravitationally stable, lethargic, and uninterested in groundside questions. BREAKING: Space Chonk has acquired a second moon, it was a meatball.
- Classification
- Celestial object
- Ticker
- $MASS
- Primary activity
- Holding local orbit
- Known satellites
- Seven and counting
- Preferred fuel
- Sun‑warmed kibble
- Threat level
- Furniture only